Archive for » January 20th, 2015 «

No Light

So let’s just assume you have a life. It may be a nicely planned one – you know, the usual stuff… marriage, kids, a house, a car, friends to hang out with, financial independence… Let’s say you’re on the right path and you feel like the luckiest person in the world. Life is beautiful and people are great!

And then things start changing. Nothing major, just a small failure that brings you down a bit, but not too much, cause everyone has some bad moments every now and then. After all, you’re strong, you’ll make it work! And then it happens again, probably on a different level. Still, it must be just a phase you’re going through. You think it will be over soon, you think you can fight this and the sun will shine again. But then another thing messes up your ‘plan’, and another one, and another one. Yet you don’t give up, cause you’re an optimistic sucker. Slowly failure becomes an everyday presence.  All of a sudden, the luckiest person in the world starts failing on every level. So you try to hang on to those things you were best at. Or thought you were best at… only to realize you are no longer good at anything. It all gets taken away from you, piece by piece.

Out of the blue (well, not really… in happened in time), you get to the point where you have nobody to turn to – nobody to talk to, nobody who would listen, nobody who would support you or offer advice when you need it, nobody who cares. You’re pretty much alone. People you thought would be there for you are not. You find yourself alone, struggling to find a way out. But you can’t. Care to guess why? Cause there’s no way out really. You’re there to stay. No point in fighting. No energy for that either. You spent it all hoping for better days. Lying to yourself it would get better. Building the image of a person who is happy and has no problems when in fact you are at the end of all strength.

And then there is that final drop. The one that pushes you over the edge. It can be as little as a simple conversation or somebody who asked you to repeat something because they could not hear you. It doesn’t even matter what the trigger is. You just collapse. Everything you believed in is long gone. There’s nothing and no one to keep you from drowning. There is no light at the end of the tunnel because there is no tunnel.

It is a hole and you are just digging deeper …