Archive for » May 15th, 2012 «

Failing

Today I feel like I am failing on every level. I am failing as a mom, I am failing at work, I am failing in every aspect of my life. Everything has become too stressful and I simply cannot cope with all of it.

I used to be so sure about everything and anything, really. I knew what was important and what wasn’t. I was able to make decisions quickly and without over-analysing things. I knew just what to do and when to do it. I was sure I was doing the right thing and I really was.

Now I doubt myself at every step, it doesn’t even matter what I do. I am not sure about anything anymore. The easiest thing seems extremely complicated to me. I can no longer see solutions to problems, I find it hard to focus as it is difficult for me to decide what to focus on, it’s like I am not myself anymore.

I have no idea how to get over this…

Miscommunication

I’m definitely one of those people who sometimes say one thing and the others understand another. I have no idea why this happens to me. I attended communication trainings, I read books and articles, I pay attention to my words. People tell me I do not have a communication problem. Yet, words come back to haunt me. The worst part of all this is that when I realise what people understand, I try to explain. And it only gets worse. Instead of convincing them I meant something else, I somehow manage to convince them of the opposite. There’s no escape, or none that I can see.

Why is this so consuming? Because I don’t like people misinterpreting my words. There are so many things that can be interpreted in this world, so many hidden meanings, we’re trained to spot and take hints (sometimes based on intonation alone) in order to reach the true meaning of a story. I think we sometimes forget to just take a message for what it is. If I say I like some piece of furniture, it simply means that I like it, not that I want it. Also, if I say that I like you, it just means that I like you as a person, not that I want something from you.

Maybe I just lost a battle, an evolution battle. Other people have evolved to the state where they see a thousand other words disguised under a simple statement. They are survivors. They know it is important to be sharp and read the intentions of your opponent instantly. I am one of those who have been left behind. I still (childishly) keep telling the truth on most occasions, instead of hiding it under a rock until someone discovers it.

Would it be possible for me to become one of the survivors? Definitely, if I put my mind at it. However, I’ve realised that it would take too much energy and I feel like it would be a waste. I can use my energy for other purposes, for things that are truly important to me.

So please, if you’re not sure what I mean, ask me. If I explain, believe me. Stop assuming things and creating stories in your head. Sometimes, words just deliver a simple message instead of an undercover story.

Category: Say what??  4 Comments