Archive for » September 6th, 2011 «

“Best before” relationships

I read a post yesterday (you can find it here) that made me think: what if we had expiration dates on relationships, like we have on any product, when we go to a store? You’d walk around and see a guy and instantly know that the expiry date of your “everlasting” love is 2 weeks from now. No questions, no doubts. You just know for sure that it won’t last more than that. Would it be better or would it spoil the fun? Would we suffer more or be more in love? I bet we would try to prove the expiry dates wrong. We’d do anything to make it last one more day, just to see if it is possible. God forbit that from happening. We’d never trust another expiration date again – imagine the chaos in a perfect “best before” world!!

Of course, there would be guys and girls with a “lifetime guarantee”. You’d know they are the ones you can spend your entire life with. Now I know you’re thinking this would be too easy.  The funny thing about love is that it is a two way street. It’s not enough to love, you have to be loved too, and the other way around. So it woudln’t really be that as simple as it seems.

Also, you are well aware of the fact that any product has some usage and storage instructions. Those would not be available, of course, so if you do not “use” the “product” the way you are supposed to, or “store” it in places that are not recommended, the expiry date instantly changes. What would life be without the surprise factor? But, really, girl, what were you thinking when you left your man with his friends (“product” will degrade faster if left unsupervised),  at a beach party (too hot for the “product” to preserve its qualities), right next to a group of Russian belly dancers (“product” should not be left alone near hot dancers)? No wonder the expiry date changed!!

I imagine break-ups would be less difficult to bear. Less people would make scenes, less slammed doors, less broken plates, less tears, less feelings of “the end of the world is here and now”, less “let’s give it another try”, less “I don’t understand”, less drama queens, less throwing clothes in the street (I guess people would have the decency to pack them and put them in a safe place when they know the storm is coming)… We would still not understand “why” but we would know “when”.

We’d be able to plan our “mend my heart by finding someone new (preferably in a club)” dates a lot better. We’d know not to turn down a coffee invitation for next week. We’d know not to plan a trip for two for the weekend, but rather a drink with the boys. We wouldn’t buy ten bottles of his favourite drink, two days before the expiry date. We wouldn’t cook his favourite dish on the expiry date… or maybe we would. Maybe we would do all that, hoping that we would change something. We’d get our hopes high, fighting for the impossible dream.

No, expiration dates and traffic lights would not change how we feel, not too much. We would just find new means to have it our own way, to go around the rules, to break them or prove them wrong, we would suffer and love with the same intensity. Human nature won’t change just because some details have been slightly altered. But the imagination exercise was good 🙂

Any ideas on funny things that would make life more interesting? Let me know.